John/Lalonde Fuckery

It all began with Roxy's secret Brazilian trophy wife. During one of Roxy's infamous escapades to Brazil, she found love in the form of a beautiful woman called Prostituta Enorme. They married, but kept their relationship a secret.

Then they forgot about it and it was never mentioned again.

John And Roxy
At some point a few years later, John and Roxy began dating. They held a deeply loving and wholesome relationship, until one fateful evening at a Ben & Jerry's. While John and Roxy became hopelessly sappy towards each other, Calliope snuck up on the group. She grabbed Roxy, kissed her, and walked with her away to her 2019 CT5 Cadillac, which Jane was driving. The two jeered John, and Roxy declared their relationship over, Jane driving them away. John then broke into tears, completely emotionally shattered and shaken. It took him weeks to recover from this breakup.

New Love
A few weeks later, Rose suddenly proposed to John with a Ring Pop™, and they married on 10/25/20. (MM/DD/YY) After Rose's wholesome wedding vows and John's fumbling around adorably, they divorced 5 hours later because Rose had unfairly poured some cornflakes. John took Casey and left in his 2010 Honda Civic, driving by the Ben & Jerry's at which Roxy had dumped him. This made John break into tears yet again, muddling his vision, and he veered off a cliff into the Pacific with Casey in tow. This was the tragic end of both their lives, to Rose's utter despair.

Trivia

 * This entire timeline was spawned off of MB's joking remark as to what kind of Roxygen they should draw.
 * Rose is reported to have started a Ring Pop™ business.
 * OL's love of Roxygen spawned the Democratic Republic of Roxygen Republic That is a Democracy, a horrific dictatorship where all RoxyCallie shippers are euthanized.